Why betrayal starts as self betrayal
Thursday, April 16, 2026
Why betrayal starts as self-betrayal
He betrayed you. It may have been last week or decades ago.
It may be infidelity, secrecy, avoidance, dismissing of your feelings....or all of it.
And here you are, despite other people's advice to leave, choosing to stay.
What's wrong with you?
You actually ask yourself that question. You are convinced that leaving would be painful but for the best in the long run. But there is a huge part of you that's keeping you there.
You feel stuck.
Nothing is wrong with you.
First of all, unless someone has walked in your shoes, they simply cannot ever, EVER relate to the pain you're feeling.
And you most certainly don't deserve to feel hurt, betrayed and alone.
When I first experienced infidelity with my fiance, the obvious reason was to leave. We had no marriage certificate or kids that bound us together. But every part of me was screaming that there was something to fight for. While people have told me I was ridiculous for staying, I was rationalizing it with "we have a mortgage together" and "what will my family think of me now that we've lived together" and "he wouldn't be fighting for us if he was going to do this again."
Yes, most of these sound crazy, or cringe as the kids would call it. But they were my reasons, and they felt very real at the time.
So whatever your reasons, please know that I completely understand them.
And I understand where they come from....
Where it all started
When you were very young, somewhere between the age of zero and seven, someone whom you relied on completely, repeatedly betrayed you. They made promises they didn't keep, they left you when you needed them the most, they trivialized your feelings, they planted thoughts that maybe you just didn't matter enough. They solidified those thoughts into beliefs with each subsequent betrayal.
You grew up and treated yourself the same way; a broken promise here, self neglect there, and you turned into a woman without clearly expressed values and boundaries.
Am I right?
But now is the perfect time to change it around
Your self betrayal is learned. And therefore it can be unlearned. Instead of focusing on how to unlearn it (that's what therapy is for) you can focus on learning self-commitment, self-love, self-compassion, self-acceptance, and my favorite, self-welcome.
You can show that young lady inside how she deserves to be treated.
A Small Step You Can Take Today
If you want help starting this shift, I created a short guide called:
“Becoming Number One Again.”
Inside the guide I walk through:
The mindset shift that stops the cycle of desperation
How to stop chasing validation from others
The subtle behaviors that quietly damage attraction
The first steps to rebuilding your self-worth inside your marriage
It’s a simple guide you can read in one sitting.
You can download it here for $7.
Because sometimes the first step toward reclaiming yourself is simply deciding that you are worth investing in again.
Alma Curran
Intimacy Strategist
For years, I coached some of the most influential leaders in the world through the inner battles no one else saw. Now I help high-net-worth women heal the emotional patterns that sabotage love, intimacy, and connection at home. I’m obsessed with creating relationships that feel safe, alive, and unquestionable—because I’ve lived the opposite. If my words feel like they’re speaking directly to you, that’s not an accident. This work is for you.
